Interview: Comedian Aziz Ansari - Sound of the City - Village Voice

azizisbored:

Here’s an interview I did with the Village Voice to promote my upcoming shows this weekend at Comix, here’s an excerpt. Click the link above for more:

You recently detailed a wild night on the town with Paul Krugman, during which women were falling at his feet. Have you spent any time recently with any other unlikely celebrities?

I got into a fight with Tom Colicchio from Top Chef last weekend in Austin. He was in town for some event for Food & Wine magazine and we had both ended up at the same bar after our respective events. I was talking to this girl and at one point Colicchio comes over and goes “Hey bro, why don’t you pack your knives and get the fuck out of here?” I said, “Excuse me?” He goes, “Look bro, I’m on Bravo, I do what I want and I want to talk to this chick and I want you to pack your knives and go.” I refused and next thing you know Colicchio throws a handful of coriander in my eyes and slams my head into a bowl of foie gras. I tried to fight back but Colicchio grabbed my throat and goes, “If you don’t go away, I’ll replace your eyeballs with these grilled bacon wrapped scallops.” Security eventually detained him and I went on with my night.

What are your New Year’s resolutions?

1) Quit counterfeiting Quiznos’ rewards cards and selling them for $3

By my estimate, I’ve given away over 6000 toasted subs to customers who did not eat the required 7 other toasted subs to deserve them. I apologize to everyone at Quiznos and promise this will end in ‘09.

2) Erase some of the stuff off my DVR

Girl at my apt: Hey you want to watch some TV?

Me: Yeah, I have over 4 hours of Fox’s X-Men animated series on my DVR!

Girl at my apt: WHOA! Do you have the “Savage Land” episodes? Or any of the episodes with the time travel story arcs with Bishop and Cable?

Me: Fuck yeah, I do. I got all dem shits.

Girl at my apt: Let’s make out and watch it!!

This does not ever happen.

3) Stop vandalizing PT Cruisers just because they are PT Cruisers

Before I fully moved to L.A., I had to rent cars and consistently ended up with bright neon colored PT Cruisers. I grew to hate them and now every time I see a PT Cruiser, I take a huge dump on it. I realize this is foolish and unnecessary and in ‘09, I will just piss on them.